I once got a call from the construction manager of the San Francisco-Oakland Bay Bridge improvement program, complimenting me on the 2,000-word article I'd written about the project's structural engineering challenges. He asked where I studied engineering and I told him "Google." I once ghost-wrote a 100-page manual on golf tips based on a pile of scribbled notes from a famously alcoholic golf pro. After it published, he asked if I wanted to get together to play a few holes, and I told him I never played a game of golf in my life. All of which to say that if there's one thing in this world I know how to do, it's write copy. It's what I do. So will someone please explain to me why -- why, why, why -- can I not write two freaking paragraphs describing my novel to a literary agent?

"Submissions should consist of a one-page query letter detailing the novel as well as the qualifications of the author."

Qualifications of the author? How about this: It's a freaking novel. If it's good, I'm qualified. If it's bad, I'm not.

Finished editing, and now it's all about writing the synopsis -- explaining 412 pages of plot in less than eight pages. In other words, using fewer words than I otherwise would to describe something. This does not come naturally to me, I assure you.