I'm becoming something of an expert on the needs, desires, hopes, dreams, yearnings, fancies, aspirations, wants, hungers, tics, quirks, peccadilloes, hobbies, addictions, afflictions and affectations of the common North American literary agent. 

Sending out query letters to prospective literary agents as we speak. Every journey begins with a single step. This is my 50th or so step, after developing the concept for a novel, writing it, editing it, re-editing it, composing six separate query pitches and two separate synopses, etc. -- so I suppose I'm getting somewhere. 

After reading a dozen or so articles with conflicting advice on writing a novel synopsis, I wrote a 10-page, chapter-by-chapter synopsis of my book. Then, after reading on several agency websites that they wanted a 2-page synopsis, I reduced the 10-page synopsis to two pages by omitting a lot of details I'd previously believed were indispensable. Then, after reading on several more agent websites that they wanted only a 1-page synopsis, I reduced the 2-page synopsis to one page by omitting adjectives and adverbs. Anticipating what I'll be reading tomorrow, I've decided to get ahead of the curve by reducing the 1-page synopsis to a half-page by omitting punctuation. 

This blog badly needs art. Here's a pretty cat to look at. 

I once got a call from the construction manager of the San Francisco-Oakland Bay Bridge improvement program, complimenting me on the 2,000-word article I'd written about the project's structural engineering challenges. He asked where I studied engineering and I told him "Google." I once ghost-wrote a 100-page manual on golf tips based on a pile of scribbled notes from a famously alcoholic golf pro. After it published, he asked if I wanted to get together to play a few holes, and I told him I never played a game of golf in my life. All of which to say that if there's one thing in this world I know how to do, it's write copy. It's what I do. So will someone please explain to me why -- why, why, why -- can I not write two freaking paragraphs describing my novel to a literary agent?

"Submissions should consist of a one-page query letter detailing the novel as well as the qualifications of the author."

Qualifications of the author? How about this: It's a freaking novel. If it's good, I'm qualified. If it's bad, I'm not.

Finished editing, and now it's all about writing the synopsis -- explaining 412 pages of plot in less than eight pages. In other words, using fewer words than I otherwise would to describe something. This does not come naturally to me, I assure you. 

Was just at the FedEx store having copies of my book printed for Sharon to edit, and the clerk asked me what it felt like to write it. "Like having a 113,000-word baby without an epidural," I said. "Wow, that sounds tough," she said. "Yeah, but just look at it," I replied, holding up the thumb drive that held the file. "Isn't she the most beautiful baby you've ever seen?" 

Just finished my novel. Four hundred and seventeen pages, seven months of my life. Still have to edit it, and, you know, find an agent and get it published and all that. But I've written a novel, and this is one of the happiest days of my life!